


I Promise

by yikesevans



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Depression, Domestic Avengers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Sam Wilson is a Gift, Service Animals, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-19 15:36:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9447902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yikesevans/pseuds/yikesevans
Summary: The Barnes-Rogers-Wilson house wasn't exactly a mentally stable one. But they have breakfast food and their pets to make everything seem more manageable.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been six years since Bucky, Steve, and Sam got out into the  _ real  _ world. Bucky got out of Hydra and worked for SHIELD before it fell. But after that his fight was over and Steve wasn’t letting him leave again. So the fight was over for Steve too. Natasha had offered Sam a job as a spy which he once again turned down. He decided to follow his best friend wherever he and his ex-assassin friend would go. For Sam anywhere they went would have a place for him to help veterans (other than Bucky and Steve) heal. 

Steve let Bucky choose since he had seen the most of the world, even if he was killing people during that time. They didn’t hold it against him, but Bucky held himself to that. He decided since he had never been to Philadelphia they should move there. The climate allows to have a long sleeve on for a good part of the year, and Bucky was drawn to cities, less intimate than a small town. The more people the easier it was to get lost in the sea of the crowd. 

That’s how the ended up with a fixer upper somewhere off 95, they could run to the city if they  _ really  _ wanted to but most times Steve would take his bike or Sam would drive towards the suburbs to get something they needed.

Bucky’s favorite part is the cheese steaks. 

He sometimes steals Steve’s bikes and goes and picks up a couple from Pat’s or goes on a Wawa run at two in the morning when he can’t sleep, which seems to be happening more and more. He also has a bad habit of making friends with the stray cats that hang out by abandon buildings. 

Sam says they can’t keep the stray, because it might be pregnant or have rabies or something. Every time Bucky rolls his eyes and wonders when Steve’s paranoia wore off onto Sam. Bucky will usually just feed the cats whatever he is eating and pat their head and keep moving. 

Eventually Sam decided he should just get Bucky a damn cat so he wouldn’t have to keep hearing about the strays. They named her Stacy. 

She’s a small thing as a kitten, Steve picked the runt of the litter. What she lacked in size she made up in charisma and playfulness. Her bright blue eyes stood out immensely to her all black fur. She often blended in with whatever Bucky was wearing. He liked freaking Sam out when he didn’t notice she was laying on him. 

The kitten spends most her time with Bucky, the light reflecting off his arm could keep her fascinated to no end. Plus he is notorious for letting her explore outside (even though Steve said no) and giving her scraps (again Steve said no). Bucky just can’t say no anytime she meows he has to pick her up and give her pets no matter what is happening. 

Then in return whenever he is having a bad time she goes and gets Sam or Steve to notify them Bucky won’t give her proper attention. Most of the time it's when he dissociates and they have to bring him back down, the kitten isn’t settling enough. 

One afternoon Steve and Sam got into a fight because Steve brought home a one year Australian Shepherd. Sam didn’t want any more pets but this dog was already almost a certified therapy dog and was a reject of the police academy. Stacy and Bucky were already on the floor playing with the new addition. The smile on Bucky’s face made Sam give in and that’s how they ended up with Captain. They felt it fitting what this his reject police academy status. Bucky would tell him it was okay he was broken too, but that was why they needed each other. 

It’s been two years since Bucky got out of the bulk of his trauma counselling. He seemed to be doing so good at that point. No more suicidal thoughts, he was sleeping better, he even let Steve kiss him whenever he liked. They were the signs of progress. Until they weren’t anymore.

He didn’t think about the future, he slept too much, and was becoming very dependent on Steve. 

At first they didn’t notice because Bucky didn’t say anything. He stayed quiet for months festering in his own depression and trauma. He couldn’t quite place what was making him not want to think or do or live. He just knew it was easier to sleep and avoid the outside world. 

Sam had gotten into the business of flipping houses with some people he meet while he was on a run. Steve was busy working part time at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. He was working behind the scenes, buying art, seeing artists and getting inspired all that good stuff. Bucky stayed home with Stacy and Captain, not really doing anything in particular. 

In the morning they would all drink coffee together and Bucky would pet Captain and pretend he was doing just fine. He gave bullshit answers about what he would be doing that day. Apparently Sam and Steve were too caught up in their own shit to notice that Bucky was drowning.

Steve was lounging on the couch one afternoon when he noticed he hadn’t seen Bucky all day. It was a Wednesday so Sam was off demoing or buying a new house or something, but Steve had gotten the day off. He went for a run with Captain that morning who had also seemed to have disappeared after they returned. 

Granted he didn’t explicitly  _ tell  _ Bucky that he was going to be home today, so it would make sense if he had a prior engagement or plans for today. But he would’ve thought Bucky would’ve come pandering upstairs at some point for food or water or light.

Bucky’s room wasn’t ‘legally’ a room according to Sam since it didn’t have any windows. But Bucky insisted that when he needed to be alone. Most night he spends in Steve’s bed with Stacy tucked up by his head and Captain snoring in the corner. 

But last night Steve slept alone. 

Captain came upstairs in a rush, obviously he had been with Bucky. He was barking nonsense and running around looking for someone or something. Stacy was hiding behind Steve because of the barking. 

Once the dog found Steve he barked louder and ran towards the stairs as if to say  _ follow me.  _ Steve was slightly panicked cause this had never happened before. Why was Captain freaking out? Why was Stacy acting so scared, Captain barks all the time. Then it hit him. 

“Bucky!” 

Steve was off the couch in a second and running towards the stairs. If it wasn’t for the serum he would’ve fallen at least twice from the haste of his movements. 

He stopped at the bottom of the stairs frozen at the thought of what he might find. This is new behavior from Captain but he didn’t think it was unjustified. He had no idea what kind of hell Bucky was going through. 

The door was locked but Steve could hear Bucky’s sobs on the other side of the door. It broke Steve’s heart to hear his best guy so broken. 

Steve knocked on the door but there was no movement, and only barely less crying on the other side of the door. He tried again to see if he could get Bucky to move but no luck. Captain joined Steve at the bottom of the stairs and tried pawing at the door for Bucky to let him in. Still nothing changed. 

“Bucky, sweetheart” he waits a beat to see if that got the brunet moving on the other side… it didn’t. “Can I please come in, I want to help” Steve looked down at the Australian Shepherd whining at his feet, “Captain wants to help too. Buck please let us help you.

There was movement in the room making Steve and Captain perk up thinking the door would open. But instead something just hit the door and something that sounded like ‘go away’ from the other side of the door.  

Steve let out a sigh and set up camp on the other side of the door. He makes it obvious him and Captain are still there not to freak out Bucky who is still crying on the other side. 

Time seems to be going by slowly while Steve whispers to Captain about how much he loves Bucky. He knows his boyfriend isn’t listening but maybe if he hears some of the encouraging words he’ll come out and let Steve help him. Steve had started with now and back tracked, he’d made it back to the time of WWII when he heard Sam come home.  _ God how long has it been  _ Steve faintly thought as Captain ran upstairs to great Sam and probably to be let out. 

“Hey buddy, oh wow you are excited. Aren’t the two super soldiers home they should’ve been able to let you out” Sam’s voice is slightly muffled by the stairs but Steve can still hear the confused tone in his voice. But Sam still let out Captain to do his business and started to call for his two housemates. 

It sounded like Bucky had heard Sam’s voice and stopped crying a bit. Which made Steve uncharacteristically jealous of his best friend. He had been sitting outside the door for who knows how long and then Sam comes home and Bucky stops. 

Sam is walking around rather heavily upstairs, maybe he is holding something or had a bad day with the houses. God is everyone in the house having a shitty time but not telling each other. “Steve? Bucky?” Sam yells opening doors and still stomping upstairs. 

“Buck, I’m gonna go say hi to Sam. I’ll be back if you’ll be willing to let me in then.” Steve said to the closed door, it nor Bucky made any sounds. Steve shut his eyes and suppressed the disappointed sigh that threatened to escape his lips. He pushed up off the door and called Sam’s name to tell him he was coming up. 

The smell of coffee hit Steve as Stacy and Captain ran past him downstairs to go see if they could be more help for Bucky than Steve was.

Sam raised his eyebrows to ask what was going on, more accurately he was going to ask until Steve just started talking a million miles a minute about how Bucky is broken and he was trying to get him to come out of his room for the past… he doesn’t even know how long. 

“Steve… Steve… wow man slow down,” Sam demonstrates a deep breathe for his friend and makes him take a couple before he asks “now what the hell happened man?”

Steve buried his face in his hands, he was ashamed because really he didn’t even know. He didn’t know why Bucky was crying or wouldn’t let him into the room. But what he did know was that he left him in there alone. “Fuck” Steve cursed quickly and pushed out the chair to go downstairs. He needs to get back to Bucky, see if he’ll let him in.

The pets are nowhere to be found which means Bucky got up to let them in, that's a good sign…. right?

The blond goes hesitantly to the door and knocks a couple times. Everything is quiet. He can’t hear Sam moving around upstairs, he doesn’t hear Stacy purring while she lets Bucky pet her, he can’t hear Captain moving around, because all he wants to hear is Bucky getting up to let him in, or to yell for him to come in already. But that doesn’t happen it’s just eerily quiet. 

Sam tries to call Steve back upstairs but he doesn't hear him. 

_ Is this what a panic attack is like? Is this what Bucky is feeling this fucking sucks. What if this happens to him often, fuck I’m an awful boyfriend.  _

Sam is knocking on the door now trying to get Bucky to open the door if not just to let Captain out. Steve has never had a panic attack like this before, he is dissociating at the bottom of the stairs. Sam can’t get him to snap out of it. “Dammit James” Sam hisses through the door “if you or one of the animals do not get your asses out here right now.  I’ll- I’ll fuck…” Sam pauses to check that Steve is still at least breathing though its shallow, “I’ll fucking take Stacy back, you need to help me out here.” Sam needed to keep calm with Buck losing it in the room and Steve losing it outside the room. 

It only took Bucky about 30 seconds to pull himself together and open the door letting Captain run to Steve’s side. “Shit” Bucky curses wiping the tears from his eyes. 

Captain is first to Steve’s side trying to nudge his hands to pet him and licking at any exposed skin he can find. Bucky comes to his side next and Sam backs away taking Stacy with him. She needed to feel like she was being helpful too.

“Stevie,” Bucky’s voice came out as barely a whisper but Steve’s head snapped to the side at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice. Bucky gave him a sad smile and nodded “hey, hey, I’m here babe. I’m here. I’m so so sorry Stevie.” Steve buried his face in Bucky’s shirt and lets himself go. 

His mind is yelling at him to stop, that Bucky needs the help. He was being a shut in all day he needs to comforted. But the way Bucky is hushing him and petting at the back of his neck Steve can’t help but lose all his inhibitions. He lets the tears go, because he was so scared about Bucky, he was scared that he’s so fucking wrecked that he can’t fix him. Steve just lost it at the thought of Bucky being sad, what a shitty boyfriend he is. 

Bucky is making soft hushing noises as Steve cries. The basement is dark and Steve is letting all his words flow. Granted the blond is usually the more emotional one but Bucky shouldn’t have to deal with his shit. 

“Guys, hey” Sam voice comes from upstairs and slightly disorients Steve. He pulls away from Bucky’s chest after losing time for the nth time that day. God he was exhausted. “I made breakfast for dinner, if y’all are up for eating,” Sam pauses for a second rethinking his words “you should at least hydrate.” His voice was more tired and soft when he added the last part. 

Captain nudged Bucky’s leg and looked up at Steve, he wanted them to get up. Bucky nodded at the dog and moved to get up. Steve let out a pathetic whimper at the movement. The brunet had to put on his best brave face for the emotional mess that was in his arms. “Com’on babe, you know you love Sam’s breakfast. It’ll make you feel better” Bucky paused to press a light kiss to the other’s temple, “I promise.”

Blue eyes brimmed with tears peered up at him as if asking  _ really? _ Bucky closed his eyes for a second to compose himself before smiling down at Steve and giving him a light kiss on the lips this time. Showing they were both okay, and they could get up and have breakfast for dinner. 

The couple made their way up the stairs slowly and Sam gave them an encouraging nod and Captain barked happily to see they joined them. Steve smiled at the dog, he was coming out of his funk he was in. Bucky smiled at Sam across the table and they had a silent conversation that they’d talk later. 

Bucky often tells Sam more of his bullshit then Steve. Bucky is too afraid to tell Steve what is going on in his head because he is too afraid Steve has his own shit going on. Which if today was any indicator that Steve was almost as fucked up as Bucky. 

The smell of bacon and waffles made Bucky realize he hadn’t had a real meal since Sunday and his stomached growled as if on queue. “Go on big boy, I made enough” Sam said nudging the plate of bacon towards Bucky. Who was still apparently lost for words unless they are directed toward Steve. Not even Captain or Stacy got words, he seemed to be able to communicate with non-verbally with the animals. Sam quipped about Bucky being the animal whisperer to try and lighten the mood but it fell flat.

It wasn’t necessarily tense but there wasn’t much going on with the three of them around the table. They just ate in silence and Bucky kept his hand on Steve’s knee to keep him grounded. But it seemed like his eyes had cleared and he can pay attention to his waffles and eggs that Sam had piled on his plate. 

Steve muddled through a thanks and apology as he got up to do the dishes. 

Sam and Bucky let him do it, he needed to helpful after that. He maybe exhausted but he felt bad for breaking down all the sudden. They knew Steve and they knew what he needed. He needed time to think and process and get his footing again. 

The other four occupants of the house were seated on the couch watching some HGTV because it was Sam’s night to pick to the channel and he thought Chip from Fixer Upper was  _ hilarious _ . 

Steve was leaning up against the doorway watching Sam crack up at something Chip said and Stacy and Bucky were in a heated game of catch my paw. A game Bucky made up where he tries to touch the kittens paw and she retaliates with trying to attack his hand. 

If this is what it should be like then maybe they can do it. 

“Hey punk stop standing in the doorway” Bucky’s voice slowly pulls him from his own thoughts and he smiles at his boyfriend who had now sat up and patting the spot next to the couch for him to come and sit down. 

Steve smiles as he settles in behind Bucky and he puts his head in the others lap. Steve immediately went to playing with Bucky’s hair. It was grounding and oddly was making him even more tired than he previously was. 

Once the two of them fall asleep with Steve’s hand still buried in Bucky’s hair Sam puts a blanket over them. Captain goes to sleep in his bed in Sam’s room and Stacy refuses to leave Bucky still. Sam knew that meant something, but a lot happened today and he figured they had time to figure what actually went down this afternoon. 

Bucky and Steve slept through the night until Steve had to get up to go to work. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was three days before Sam and Bucky could sit down to talk about what happened that day. In Bucky’s mind he was calling it his ‘off day’.

It was three days before Sam and Bucky could sit down to talk about what happened that day. In Bucky’s mind he was calling it his ‘off day’. 

_ Off day _ sounded better than having a bad day. Bad days were reserved for his trauma outbreaks. That wasn’t what happened on Wednesday. Everything was just off, hence why he locked up in his room crying.

Bucky doesn’t cry easily, or as it seems ever. He has had lots of time to find other ways to hide his feelings away and cope with them. However unhealthy his coping mechanisms are he’s still not a crier. 

Steve was out running errands leaving Sam and Bucky to themselves for the afternoon. Steve didn’t know what they were going to do but Bucky refused to let Captain go with Steve, he needed the support for what they were going to talk about. 

Sam made them coffee as Bucky set up a nest to sit in on the couch. Captain was at his heels sensing that Bucky wasn’t doing too hot right now. He was managing but he wouldn’t call today a good day. It’s hard to rebound after the off day. 

The mugs of coffee make a clinking noise as Sam comes into the room not to startle Bucky. Bucky appreciates Sam’s caution even if this wasn’t directly related to his trauma. It’s more about the after effects, the depression, paranoia and anxiety all the shit Hydra did to him left behind. 

Bucky looked up at Sam entering and nodded to the other side of the couch for him to sit. Sam gave a tight smile and sat down facing Bucky and brought Stacy to sit into his own lap. Bucky had Captain so Sam could monopolize the cat for a little while. 

Less words is better with Bucky. He tends to try to fill the silences when they do things like this so Sam just nods his head, takes a sip of his coffee and waits for Bucky to explain himself. 

“I didn’t realize I’d hurt Steve” Bucky said after a long stretch of silence. Sam shock his head, this wasn’t about Steve it was about Bucky. The brunet crinkled his nose and nodded understanding. “I’ve been calling them ‘off days’ in my mind. When I can’t focus or everything just comes crumbling down. Most of the time I can just watch a movie on TV and the focus on things over than my own shit will keep steady,” he sighed into his coffee cup before continuing. 

“I just… felt off balance that day. That everything was tilted 30 degrees. There were nightmares the night before. You know that stupid dinosaur one” Sam nodded understanding the reoccurring dream. It was odd, it was one where they were at the beach and then all the sudden the boardwalk is attacked by dinosaurs. All the pedestrians are helpless and trying to run but the prehistoric creatures don’t give a damn about them. The animals are chasing Bucky, Sam and Steve. “We had gotten separated this time… I don’t know if they got to you or Steve,” Bucky closes his eyes remembering the part that woke him up. “I was in a parking garage or something and there was this little red dinosaur that seemed like a dog. He had enhanced hearing and scent and no matter how fast I ran or how much I distracted it. It was just on me and I couldn’t shake it.” Bucky lets out a pathetic laugh at the next part, “I tried to hit it on the nose like when Stacy is bad. But it made me more anxious and then I woke up.” 

Sam nodded along to Bucky’s words because no matter how many times they did this he wasn’t a certified therapist. He couldn’t tell Bucky what his dreams meant or how to make them go away. 

Bucky had stopped to collect his thoughts, Captain was licking his hand to encourage him to keep going, he gave the dog a pitiful smile and started to talk again not meeting Sam’s eyes. “Then once I was awake, I didn’t wanna wake Steve ya’know. So I went to my room to try and sleep some… no surprise it didn’t really work. I’d fall asleep for like a half hour-ish and then my anxiety would wake me up.” Bucky huffed at his troubled sleeping, “fuck Sam I don’t even know what was making me anxious. Technically I’m over 100 years old, and an ex-fucking-assassin why am I anxious about sleeping in my own damn house. It’s not like you or Steve wouldn’t fuck up any ole Hydra agent that tried to get us.” 

“There is no Hydra anymore Buck” Sam reminded his friend gently. 

His blue eyes were trained back on petting Captain in an instant realizing what he had said. Logically he knew Hydra was dead but there was a part of him, deep down, that was still scared. 

Bucky didn’t know what else to say to his friend. He assumed that the nightmare had been what set him off that day. He only got like 2 hours of sleep after it and realistically he hadn’t had a meal since since Sunday. So his breakdown was justifiable. 

The ex-counselor sighed at Bucky’s inability to share more, that he needed to be pressed for information. “So how long has it been happening?” Bucky raised his eyebrows at the nonspecific question. Did he mean the nightmares, the not eating, the lack of thought. 

There wasn’t a certain day that this all started, just one day Bucky noticed things in him had shifted. He was used to them shifting in a good way not back into his old ways. He supposed the first thoughts about it had been one night he was laying awake and heard a train go by. The thoughts he had weren’t outright suicidal… just what if he got hit by the train. 

These types of thoughts were usually put to bed when he thought about Steve or Sam or the pets. No matter how much he loved his housemates he wouldn’t trust them to take care of the animals. Steve doesn’t even let Stacy have human for God’s sake. 

Sam nudged Bucky’s leg signaling he was caught in his own thoughts again. Bucky cleared his throat, “I guess uh- it started four … maybe five months ago” Sam did a shit job at hiding his surprised expression at this revelation. Bucky tried to backtrack quickly not wanting to seem that he was actually really fucked up. “I mean … it wasn’t that bad in the beginning. Just little things and I have Captain it was fine”  _ until it wasn’t _ went unsaid. Sam knew it did, he needed to know when it stopped being fine. “I mean I guess it was sometime two months ago, I kept going to tell you guys what was happening and I’d just shut my mouth and stop. I didn’t wanna bother you with my dumb problems. I mean you guys have other shit going on and ya don’t need my shit bogging you down more” Bucky was meticulously tugging through Captain’s fur at this point. The dog didn’t complain or whine just let Bucky do what he needed to keep talking. 

“I stopped eating normally about two weeks ago,” Sam almost missed the confession. “I just haven’t been hungry I dunno. And I’m either sleeping too much or only 3 hours. I sleep during the day a lot and then lay in bed with Steve at night. He sleeps, his arms around me grounds me but I can’t sleep.” Bucky pauses to collect himself again and find what he needs to say next. “Sam, I think I got worse again. The other night I couldn’t help but scratch at the scars until they were new slight lines” Sam’s face was worried again. “I didn’t break skin” Bucky added hurriedly, “I just needed to feel something. I can’t feel my body anymore, I’m constantly cold cause I don’t eat and all I want to do is sleep. I know it’s not the trauma. This is my anxiety affecting my depression and pushing me down deeper and deeper.” 

Bucky felt done after that he felt exposed enough for the day. Captain barked at Sam to warn him that Bucky was slipping. “Alright man, you're good. I’m glad you could tell me this. But I have some news you don’t want to hear.” Bucky sighed knowing exactly what Sam was going to say. “But I think it’s time you went to a therapist, someone specialized in depression and anxiety. You can’t live like this anymore. Because we both know you're not living, and if Wednesday is any indicator then Steve is being affected too.” 

The super soldier did all he could to not look hurt by Sam’s words. But he knew in his core that it was true, that he was hurting Steve.

He doesn’t trust his voice but he had to prove to himself, Steve and Sam that he can do this. Logically he knows he can’t keep living like this it sucks, and since the serum has elongated his life it’ll last even fucking longer. He had to figure out a way to stop muddling through life and get better. 

When he finally made eye contact and nodded Sam smiled put the kitten on his lap while he went and retrieved his laptop. Sam had already done some searches for therapists in the Philly area. He was anticipating that they would one sooner or later. 

Bucky busied himself entertaining Stacy as she batted back at his hands. He didn’t really want to see what Sam was doing on his laptop, to be honest it was already stressing him out. Therapy was supposed to be in the past, he had gotten better… he was supposed to have gotten better. And yet here he sat looking over a page for a christian based therapy group.

“So uh…” Bucky once overs the page again. In theory the website was supposed to be calming and serene, but there was something that still made his hands shake. “I think I have to email the person first… and since it’s the weekend I should just wait till Monday right. I don’t want my email to get lost in the list of other fucked up people” Bucky was gnawing at his bottom lip the moment he stopped talking. 

It wasn’t ideal to keep waiting but Bucky was doing good. So Sam agreed and the situation was tabled like that. 

“Hey buddy” Steve’s voice was chipper for someone who was just out for nearly 6 hours running errands. But that was Steve Rogers for ya, he was happy to help or be useful no matter what. Which is why Bucky’s off day had such an effect on him. He felt useless and powerless. So Bucky decided he should make it up to his boyfriend. 

The blond was still greeting Captain when Bucky made his way to the kitchen. He didn’t know where Stacy or Sam were, but that seemed to happen more often these days. Something about his job keeps him held up in the office and Stacy levels him out. 

Bucky bent down to pick up the bags that had been forgotten about in favor of the dog. Steve looked up at his boyfriend with a smile like he just saved his ass. He stood to be eye level and gave Bucky a quick kiss to say thanks. 

Sometimes they didn’t even need to say the words. They just worked around each other putting the stuff that Steve bought into it’s places. It was nice, domestic even. 

Once the chores were done Bucky sat down at the dining room table. He gave himself a view to watch Steve while he cooked. Steve pre-Philadelphia couldn’t cook for shit which was weird being an artist and all. But now, now Steve’s cooking is all Bucky wants to eat… besides Wawa. 

It’s become part of their ritual that Steve will cook a nice meal on the weekend. He doesn’t let Sam or Bucky help, just Steve taking control of the kitchen. Bucky likes to think he is helping by picking the music they listen to. Sometimes it’s soft in the background while they talk other times it’s there to fill the silence that they have fallen into. Not a bad silence just comfortable and familiar. 

Today Bucky didn’t want the silence, he had too many thoughts about the conversation he and Sam had earlier. He needs the distraction. “So Steve” he started from the other side of the door frame. 

Steve looked over his shoulder and gave Bucky a cheeky grin, happy that he was in the mood to talk, “so Buck.” 

“How was your day today Stevie” Bucky decided to start off light and casual. He hadn’t decided if he should tell Steve about his own day yet. 

Steve couldn’t help the dopey smile that spread across his face, “It was good, lots of errands.” Bucky nodded at his words and didn’t even notice his boyfriend coming up behind him. Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky before he said “it would’ve been better with you.” Bucky didn’t even bother to suppress the shiver that ran down his spin as Steve mouthed at his neck. 

Steve smirked as he pulled away but Bucky just made a disappointed noise at the lose. “Mmm babe don’t go make it a better night” Steve laughed at the poor attempt at a pick up line. “Stevie don’t laugh at me!” Bucky said in fake astonishment. Steve barked out a laugh to which Captain barked back at. 

“I think Sam is coming” the blond murmured in between kisses. Bucky huffed and reluctantly pulled away. 

Sam laughed as he walked down the stairs and saw Bucky frowning at his arrival. “Thanks for announcing me bud” Sam patted Captain on the head as he made his way into the kitchen. Once Sam’s back is turned Bucky goes in for another kiss. “Steve if you don’t stop kissing your depressed boyfriend you’re gonna burn the nice dinner you were cooking for me” Bucky’s eyes go wide at Sam’s attempt at a joke. 

_ Your depressed boyfriend. _

Is that who he was now, did that mean he had to admit it to Steve. Anxiety thrummed through his veins but before it made it too bad Steve was already back to his cooking. But Steve didn’t bring up Sam’s  _ joke,  _ if it was important he trusted Bucky would tell him.

The rest of dinner went off without a hitch and with Captain’s head in Bucky’s lap. He knew where to sit and who would sneak him scraps. Steve always pretends not to notice as Bucky’s hand disappeared into his lap and the sound of Captain chewing could be faintly heard. Sam probably couldn’t hear it under his own story, but Steve’s enhanced hearing gave Bucky away. 

Tonight was Bucky’s turn to do the dishes and Steve’s turn to choose the movie. Sam set up on the leather recliner in the corner of the room to give the two love birds their room. He was planning on leaving half way thru anyway. Bucky began to get handsy after a while, and Sam had a feeling the two had things to work out. Hopefully talk about, but if Bucky blows Steve to say sorry… well at least it’s something. 

Steve’s pick tonight was Interstellar. He liked to say ‘Hey maybe I’ll be like Matthew McConaughey and go find a new planet for us’ Bucky and Sam would just roll their eyes and reluctantly agree. 

Sam didn’t time it but Bucky’s hands had moved out of site almost exactly at half thru the movie. So Sam faked a yawn and said good night. Captain looked at the two on the couch and decided to follow Sam to bed, which was odd. Captain usually slept with Bucky, but it seemed since Bucky had Steve, Captain wasn’t needed. 

Not even two minutes after he heard Sam’s door close Bucky had rolled over and started peppering Steve’s neck with light kisses. “You know he wasn’t actually tired right” Bucky whispered into his skin. Steve was trying to not be distracted by the feeling coming from Bucky’s shorts and the hot breath on his neck made the movie less interesting by each passing second. “He just didn’t want to stay and see what I was going to do to you to say sorry for my off day” Bucky’s mouth moved to finally connect with Steve’s. That was the point that all hopes of finishing the movie was abandoned, good thing they’d seen it before. 

Steve let out a pleased little moan “mmm what did you have in mind sweetheart?” 

Bucky had lots of ideas of what he wanted to do to his perfect boyfriend and almost all of them ended with Steve so blissfully fucked out that he can’t even form a word. “It could take all night babe” each word was punctuated with a kiss down Steve’s clothed chest. 

Steve couldn’t let out the little gasps and groans that escaped his lips. Bucky hummed at his boyfriend’s pleased response. He decided they were both wearing far too many clothes and mad fast work of their shirts. He let himself really appreciate Steve’s muscular torso and abs. 

The movie was far past over before they made their way upstairs to Ste-their room. They had refused to stop touching in some way as they went upstairs and fell into the king sized bed and picked up where they had left off downstairs. 

Bucky was right that it would take all night, his goal to have Steve thoroughly fucked out had proved to come true after 3 and half rounds. The last one only counted as half because Steve was too spent to do anything besides suck Bucky off in hopes to get him to tire out and be as blissed out as Steve was. 

The fell asleep in a tangle of sheets and limbs. Bucky had pushed off his own pillows and had to retreat to basically using Steve as a human body pillow. The blond didn’t complain just carded his hand through his hair until they breaths were synced and they fell asleep.  

Bucky jolted awake in a panic and was meet with a sleepy Steve tightening his grip around his boyfriend. Steve was still pleasantly asleep which made sense since they only fell asleep 3 hours ago. But Bucky’s mind was apparently stressed so he needed to be awake now. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen, his mental shit was supposed to affect him this soon after he was filled with endorphins courtesy of their actions the previous hours.

Yet here he was trying to calm his breath as Steve hung onto his torso still pleasantly asleep. Bucky debated waking Steve and trying to talk to him about what was going on in his head. But that was too soon,  he didn’t want to bother Steve with his intrusive thoughts it would just make today another bad day. Bucky thought it was time he finally had a good for real. 

Usually it wasn’t that easy but Bucky just buried his face in his boyfriend’s bare chest and took a deep inhale to calm his breath some more. The different sensation woke Steve slightly and he just hummed to try and calm Bucky by petting his brown hair. The brunet didn’t think much would come from this, he thought he’d just stay up until Steve was awake. But not even 30 minutes later Bucky was asleep again. 

Steve woke up before Bucky woke again. It was about eight in the morning, which was rather late for the pair. Steve didn’t want to move in hopes to let Bucky have a bit more sleep, plus the fact that half of Bucky’s body was already on top of Steve. He could feel his chest move with each breath. Steve just listened to them in a slow peaceful rhythm.

And then there was a crash and Captain barked pulling Bucky abruptly from his dreams and putting him in defense mode. 

“Shit, fuck” Sam curses were coming from the kitchen, “all clear Captain, just shit dropping.” Sam paused for a second before yelling an all clear upstairs that immediately put Bucky at ease. 

Steve reached up to run his hand through Bucky’s hair to help him relax. Bucky’s shoulders instantly relaxed and he turned to face Steve. Steve continued to scratch at the base of his boyfriend’s neck emitting a pleased hum before saying morning. Steve gave him a dopey smile and kissed him gently before returning the sentiment. 

Another crash came from the kitchen ruining the moment, this time they heard a scared Stacy and Sam curse again. Bucky just rolled his eyes and gave Steve another quick peck before swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. “Com’on let's go see what Wilson is fucking up down there. I don’t like that he's made both my animals scared in the last five minutes.”

Steve got up with an amused huff “not to mention my boyfriend too.” 

He laid a quick kiss at the base of Bucky’s neck before grabbing the nearest sweatshirt and tossing it over his head. It was the big Phillies one they had bought to look more ‘local’. Bucky hated that they had to root for the team, but since the Dodgers moved and being a Yankees fan would’ve been too obvious they had to settle for the Phillies. Since they were awful tickets were cheap and they had dollar dog night, a favorite in the Barnes-Rogers-Wilson house. 

The two made their way downstairs and were greeted by an over excited Captain, another crash, and no sign of Stacy. “Okay but what the hell is Wilson doing,” Bucky questioned quietly making Steve chuckle. 

Each of them pet Captain as they walked through the living room towards the source of the various crashes. 

It seemed that Sam had every single piece of food, and kitchen supplies out and on every surface he could find including the floor. It was basically a maze of pots and pans with Sam standing in the middle throwing some stuff in the trash that accompanied him the middle. Bucky scrunched his nose up smelling something particularly rotten, not the nicest smell right after you wake up. 

“Sam…” Steve started trying to figure out what was going on, he couldn’t so he asked “what the hell?” Sam looked up slightly panicked and shrugged continuing to throw shit out. 

The two boyfriends made confused eyes at each other. “So Stevie you wanna go out for breakfast since our kitchen seems to be a war zone. Sam vs. the kitchen basically the next world war.” 

“Ha ha very funny Barnes” Sam replied dryly without looking up from his task. 

Bucky gave Sam a sarcastic smile and salute before grabbing Steve’s arm and heading towards the door. Steve laughed at the rush Bucky seemed to be and insisted they should at least put on better clothes to go out. Bucky let out an over dramatic sigh and agreed following Steve upstairs. 

When Steve pulled off the sweatshirt to put on a flannel Bucky couldn’t help but stare, maybe today was a good day. “See something you like there Barnes?” Steve asked in a mocking tone. Bucky could only offer a stupid nod. “Com’on babe I’m hungry let's go” Steve said once he realized that Bucky was  _ still  _ staring at him. Bucky would’ve been embarrassed if Steve wasn’t so fun to look at. 

Steve decided he wanted to take the bike to which Bucky didn’t argue. He appreciated the excuse to have his arms wrapped around Steve’s frame for 20 minutes. 

They pulled up to their favorite ma and pa diner outside the city. Bucky smiled at the place that Steve had picked, he was being a good boyfriend today. Which meant Bucky should return the favor and tell him what is  _ actually  _ going on. He often told Steve heavy stuff while they were eating and in public, it generally made his response less… dramatic. 

Bucky didn’t think that Steve would take it bad, he just wanted to be safe. 

The two sat down at their usual table and were greeted by their usual waitress. They came here a lot since no one asked why they both always ordered so much food. It also helped that Steve insisted on tipping like 70% because he thought the food was so cheap. Bucky and Sam blamed the time he spent with Stark for that one or it was because Rogers had a big heart. 

With two cups of coffee down for each of them Bucky decided he was ready to talk about it. 

Steve could tell Bucky wanted to talk about something, he just didn’t know what.. He tried not to show he was stressed about it by blabbering about whatever came to his mind from the upcoming baseball season, to Captain, to this new up and coming artist he had discovered the past week. He didn’t know what Bucky could possibly need to say to him, but it seemed like it had been bothering him for a while. He had no idea what could be causing Bucky to act different. 

“Oh and the other day I heard-”

“Stevie” Steve shut his mouth instantly when Bucky interrupted him. He didn’t look mad, even a compassionate smile spread across his face, like he thought it was endearing when Steve wouldn’t shut up. “You’ve been going on about nonsense for the past half hour, and I know it’s cause you know I have shit to tell ya” a blush creeped on Steve’s cheeks as he nodded. “So let me talk, it's nothing too bad.. I don’t think- no it’s a good thing. It’s just one of those heavy good things. Wilson is helping me figure out with his old criteria and all that. I don’t need his new expertise in flipping houses or whatever the hell he was doing in the kitchen this morning.” Steve shot Bucky a look to signal now he was the one blabbering. 

Bucky took a deep breath and let out a small right before continuing, “So basically my off days have been coming more frequent than they used to. I don’t know why, I can’t exactly put my finger on what is causing them. So I think it’s time I went back to therapy, one that specializes in depression not my trauma. Because it’s not that, my mind is just a bit of a mess again and I need help sorting it out. So I gotta email the lady tomorrow to make an appointment but uh yeah.” Bucky was still staring at his napkin because he was scared of Steve’s reaction.

Steve waited a beat to make sure Bucky was done before reaching over the table and softly holding his hand. The action startled Bucky slightly before he looked up and was meet by Steve’s smile.

They didn’t have to say anything, the way that Steve’s thumb stroked over Bucky’s hand was words enough. ‘I’m proud of you’, ‘you can do it’, ‘I’ll be here if you need me’, were all said in the small intimate action. 

The two were so enthralled in their own world that their waitress held there for 10 minutes after it was done to let them have their moment. The look in their eyes proved that it was important even if they weren’t talking. 

That night with Sam and Steve’s help Bucky drafted the email he would send to the lady he wanted to meet with for therapy. Steve couldn’t help but keep praising Bucky and telling him how proud he was that Bucky was getting help for himself. It made Bucky smile, this was going to help, they would get better. He did promise after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter one happened on Wednesday and was focused on Steve. so this chapter happened on Saturday/Sunday and focused on Bucky, the next chapter will be later in the week focusing on Sam. 
> 
> also as always hmu on [tumblr](http://tjhammond.co.vu) if ya want

**Author's Note:**

> Hey thanks for reading ! Unbetad so all mistakes are mine. Kudos and Comments are much appreciated
> 
> if you want you can hmu on [tumblr](http://tjhammond.co.vu)


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